The Spectacular Writing of a Child with A Dream – I’m still laughing after posting this one…
Even as a child, I always had the dream of becoming a writer. I remember sitting in my room, writing countless stories on lined paper with an HB pencil, building worlds that made absolutely no sense and writing prose that was as elegant as a sumo wrestler’s thong.
Recently I was at my parents place and my mom gave me the most wonderful gift in the world — physical pages of my adolescent stories, preserved and bound in a lime green duotang. My first thought was, “Oh shit, I hid those stories next to the hustler magazines I smuggled into my room while I was still in elementary school. Did she finally find them?” but then I realized that I’m 31 now. What’s my mom going to do? Ground me?
Anyway, I’m not sure if any of you had the chance to rediscover this precious era of your life (referencing childhood writing and not the skin mags), the one where your imagination was erratic and wild, but let me tell you that it’s great for a laugh.
I thought I’d share with you readers one of the stories I wrote as a kid, and let me tell you, what a gem it was.
Presenting to the world for the first time: Rondo Issue #1 (with commentary from yours truly)
Rondo walked down in the streets of New York. It was a wet day after the storm. Rondo trugged until he went to the pasture fields where he lived. (You have to love those pasture fields in New York)
He noticed something. It was a bomb! Rondo leapted by the bushes trying to get away but Rondo was caught in some wire (It’s important to protect your bushes with wire in the New York City pasture fields).
He tried to struggle free but it just got tieter. The bomb had few more seconds before the explosion. It was to late. Rondo broke free but not enough time. Rondo then past out. Moments later, Rondo was wearing a band over his head. The band was red and he also found himself in red jeans and a blue T-shirt. (Bombs are pretty advanced these days. They have the ablility to change your wardrobe….into red jeans especially)
A figure appeared. It was a girl. She helped Rondo up.
“You had quite a spill” she said. “I’m Irene, the person who planted the bomb.” (Folks, the important lesson here is honesty. If you so happen to plant a bomb out in the pasture fields, own up to it.)
“Why?” Rondo asked struggling to get the pain out.
“Well, for first thing, I made the bomb out of plutonium. You have aboursed it’s strength. Secondly, I needed a person to stop crime that’s out of controle. Thirdly, are city needed a hero,” said Irene. (Ah of course, it all makes sense now. The world needs a hero, and the best way to do that is to create a bomb out of plutonium and blow someone up. I see nothing wrong with that plan at all.)
“But why this plain area” asked Rondo.
“Well, I was not sure it would work but if I put this in an area where there is nobody almost, it would be safer.” (Good thinking Irene)
“I guess so but how do I test my powers” asked Rondo.
“Simple, just stop a crook” she said smiling. (Well duh!)
Rondo walked away.
“Oh, here’s a motorcycle that can change into a car. Use it” Irene said.(Sweet! Carcycle!)
“Thanks” said Rondo. He got in and zoomed off. He took it in the hsape of a motorcycle. There suddenly was a flash. It was a criminal called Rocket.
Rondo leapted out. Rocket was firing at everyone. Rondo pounced onto Rocket. Rocket punched Rondo. Rondo took Rocket and threw him. Rocket flew and took a laser gun. Rondo punched Rocket again. Rocket fired but Rondo jumped and jump kicked Rocket. (That was some intense fighting, and even more intense tongue twister)
Suddenly Rocket’s men came. Rondo took a stick and hit one of them. Next he leapted and forced a couple of men down. A man ran to Rondo but Rondo punched the man and then threw him against more men. The punks took out their clubs, chains, crowbars, and whips. (Those no good punks and their whips)
Rondo ripped a fence and trapped all of Rockets men. Rocket flew off and escaped. Rocket flew for the rocket fuel factory. (Makes sense) Rocket absoured it’s energy. Rondo who was back with Irene paced around.
“Don’t get so upptite” said Irene. “I know he escaped but you have second chances” said Irene.
“Well, so far I need to finish my work” said Rondo. Outside the window, a spy with a gun fired, hitting a vase. Irene and Rondo ducked. The spy had a machien gun! Irene srambled up and took a gun (This chick definitley has some issues).
Rondo found a piece of rope. He tied it to a rock and threw it. The rope swung around the spy and the spy tripped. The spy was ready to fire again but Irene shot the gun out of the spys hand. The spys gun had fell on him and he was out cold. Irene gasped for breath. Then she gave Rondo a gadget.
“Here, put this gadget on your suit. You can do magic with it,” said Irene. Rondo went back out and hoped into his car. He was on his way. Suddenly another car came. It was one of Rockets punks.
The thug tried to run Rondo off the curb. they were driving on the side of a mountain.(Ah yes, the lovely mountains of New York that overlook the pastures)
Rondo turned hitting the other car. The thug took the blow and we flying into the side of the mountain. Rondo continued on the track. He soon was at central park. He saw a viper snake. Rondo picked it up.
“You can be handy” he said. (Remember, nothing makes for a better weapon than a live viper snake) He walked into a secret lab hidden in there.
He took some test and then he froze the snake.
“Rocket should be here” said Rondo. “My guess is that he sended the spy to get me” said Rondo.
Suddenly Rocket came. Rondo fired from his hands by using the gadget. Rocket flew away and turned into electricity and shocked through Rondo. Rondo forced a cutting force grow bigger and bigger hitting Rocket.(forced a cutting force grow bigger and bigger….genious)
Rocket made a fireball and hurled it towards Rondo. Rondo blasted some water melting the fire ball. Rondo then spun a suprising ***
And that folks is where we leave off. I guess I wanted to end it in a cliffhanger and keep people on the edge of their seats……for 25 years. Anyways that’s it for Rondo 1 Issue, as well as the most typo-ridden post on any blog.
If you’re actually interested in seeing how I evolved in my writing 25 years later, try these following links:
On that note, do any of you have any stories you’ve kept from your childhood writing? Leave a comment, tell me about it! Also let me know if you enjoyed this post and want to see more crazy stories from my childhood.
Be sure to sign up for my emailing list as well. For all those that do, I’m giving away the first part of my book, Shadow of Wrath for free! It’s a story that will kick you in the junk and wrench at your heart. Well worth it, I promise!